| After months of saving, I've finally bought myself | | | | They've brought out bacon butties which she |
| a wonderful but used BMW! My boss is a miser | | | | munches, giving herself wind. Unable to stomach |
| with the wonga so it's taken some time but now | | | | any more of her burping, moaning and wheezing I |
| I have this fantastic babe magnet to woo the | | | | head inside to chat to my favourite barmaid. |
| ladies. | | | | Some time ago, she made a bizarre marriage |
| My only problem at the moment is that because I | | | | wager and is now very unhappy. She's half way |
| wanted to bling up my wagon, I've gone and | | | | through her second bottle of Muscadet wine and |
| blown the rest of my moolah on new wheels. | | | | we talk over the barmaid's marital woes. |
| However, I have the best mum in the world and | | | | I have noticed the big, manky witch in the corner |
| she's lent me the money to go to the pub. I drive | | | | has been watching me for some time but after |
| down and pick the best spot in the car park, | | | | numerous beers she has mutated with ease into |
| choosing to hang around outside and show off | | | | a bootylicious minx with the wanton look in her |
| my car. | | | | eyes. She's bringing my mojo well and truly back |
| My best mate emerges from the pub looking | | | | and before I know it, I'm begging her to be my |
| wasted. Usually a belligerent, miserable workaholic, | | | | wife. |
| he's had the benefit of massive quantities of | | | | My mother has sent my brother to look for me |
| whiskey which have turned him into a big mellow | | | | and he rescues me before my wittering gets any |
| wuss with a brilliant merry wit. And he's going to | | | | worse. I swear this bloke was born middle-aged |
| need it in the morning! | | | | and weird but I do agree with one thing. My |
| Recently, he's been mixing with birds that are a | | | | brother's mantra was always to back marvellous |
| bit mental and whacky but this one takes the | | | | cars with banging music woofers. So, sitting in the |
| biscuit! He sees a beautiful, mysterious woman | | | | car park, I demonstrate the beastly mega |
| where I see a belching minger in wellies with a | | | | wattage on my baby's multi-channelled wireless. |
| black moustache that needs waxing. However, he | | | | Concerned that my battery might wane, I turn |
| is besotted with his marvellous wench called Bella | | | | the radio off and my brother's mood worsens. |
| Marie West but if you ask me she looks more like | | | | The only way to cheer him up is to allow him to |
| Bombay Mix gone wrong. He doesn't even notice | | | | drive home my Bavarian Motor Works beauty. |
| the bogey-like mouth wart! | | | | |