| There is an issue with some BMW cars whereby | | | | spread from one ear to the other and I was at |
| the steering lock mechanism is sticking, this is an | | | | his mercy about to be nailed and become another |
| electronic function and has affected cars including | | | | statistic. |
| the 325i M Sport. | | | | Bloody BMW I thought to myself, why did I ever |
| The problem arises when you insert the key and | | | | buy a BMW? |
| get ready to use the push button start, the | | | | Why did I buy this one? |
| dashboard is illuminated with a red steering when | | | | Why did I not go to the dealer and get them to |
| symbol and the push button start is disabled. | | | | sort it out when I had the chance? |
| This happened to me several times a day for a | | | | Why is this happening to me? |
| few days and in the end I got stuck in Brighton | | | | Subconsciously I had continued pressing the start |
| after I stopped at a post office to ask for | | | | and playing with the key then all of a sudden the |
| directions, I came back out got into my car and | | | | car started! But to my horror my reflex action in |
| the malfunction happened. To my horror repeated | | | | continually pushing the start pushed it again and |
| attempts to start the car failed and in the | | | | killed the engine! Argh! Lots of expletives followed, |
| distance I saw a wheel clamping van attaching a | | | | the clamper was parking next to me, taking his |
| clamp to a vehicle parked just like me. | | | | time and savouring every moment, he was a |
| I opened the door and to my horror I realised | | | | connoisseur of the moment, the captive lamb |
| that I was indeed parked on a clamping zone and | | | | awaiting dispatch. |
| it looked as though the clamp radar had spotted | | | | I waited and composed myself, I crossed |
| me. I quickly popped my bonnet so as to look as | | | | everything and gingerly pushed the start one last |
| though I was visually on a breakdown but felt the | | | | time, I looked up, this clamper guy had black |
| eyes of a truly dedicated clamper burning into me | | | | teeth and big earrings, tattoos and muscles, dirty |
| from a distance. | | | | fingernails and greasy hair. |
| I was late for an important meeting and was | | | | He gave me a chilling smile and then suddenly it |
| already thinking how bad the day was turning out, | | | | changed, like an executioner falling through thin ice |
| I had to think fast because I felt vulnerable and | | | | his smile changed to a look of despair. The engine |
| knew how clampers just love to immobilise smart | | | | was running, yes! Yes! Yes! You beauty, I love |
| sporty cars. I looked furtively from under my | | | | you car I love you BMW! Life is great oh so |
| bonnet and could see he suddenly sprang into | | | | great, oh yes, clutch in, gear in, 2.5 fuel injected |
| action. | | | | horsepower released and racing, I let the window |
| I was horrified, I could see I was going to be the | | | | down all ready gloating, nothing can stop me now! |
| next victim, hurriedly I jumped back into my car, | | | | I stuck my head out ready to give the loser |
| I repeatedly disengaged and re-engaged the key | | | | signals to my assailant, the why can't you get a |
| trying to somehow stimulate the electronic push | | | | real job, and the just because I have a nice car, |
| button start but the steering lock mechanism | | | | lines were running through my head when his |
| kept firing in. How was I going to explain this at | | | | deep voice boomed, you alright mate? Just got |
| the meeting, thats if I ever got there of course, | | | | my jump leads out in case you needed a start, |
| then I looked up and our eyes met, he had | | | | lovely car by the way, I just traded mine in for |
| finished and was just sticking his label on the | | | | an M3 always had German cars, just love the |
| screen of the other car. | | | | engineering! |
| In desperation I hopped back out of the car and | | | | I stammered, looked sheepish and smiled before |
| slammed the bonnet down, sort of feigning that I | | | | saying, thanks for coming over, I thought you had |
| was ready to go and perhaps he would just drive | | | | a friendly face, but I think my car is fine now, |
| off. I remembered a nature programme where | | | | then I drove off, looking back in my mirror I'm |
| the Mother bird pretended to be injured to draw | | | | sure I could see a look of You got away but I will |
| the predator away from her nest! If only I had a | | | | get you next time sonny! |
| disabled badge I thought to myself, I saw the van | | | | I reflected on this event after the meeting and |
| preparing to do a U turn with its lights flashing. | | | | realised that owning a nice car can change your |
| I took my phone out and prepared to make the | | | | perception of other people and situations, it can |
| call canceling the meeting and also got the BMW | | | | make you a little arogant and can generate a |
| rescue me from hell emergency number from the | | | | state of mind where you are convinced |
| user manual. I could see the look of glee on his | | | | everybody is out to get you. |
| face, a self gratifying smirk of satisfaction was | | | | Of course this is not the case... Or is it? |